This article contains all of the episodes from Season One of Plasmaster's adventure-comedy series, Adventure Cubed. Adventure Cubed is a series about Cuboy and his friends going on adventures in Cube Land to discover treasure and eat delicious food along the way! Adventure Cubed stars the Cube Scouts, the invisible guy, Snort the stubborn troll, a cursed spellbook, dehydration, Cubyo, hot porridge, and a pickle jar!
To read the newest episodes of Adventure Cubed, click here!
All of the Season One episodes can be found below!
Episode One-Sneaky Little Secrets
We fade into a most beautiful scene, a bird’s eye view of a vast forest. Birds sing happily as they flutter through the verdant trees. Suddenly smoke begins to rise from a clearing. This is the part where we zoom in on this particular clearing as if the story you are reading at this very moment were a television show or a nature documentary.
Except that it isn’t. Just pretend that all of that happened in your head.
A collection of colorful tents are set up in the clearing in a semicircle shape, facing inward towards the center.
In the clearing are several cube-shaped forms, varying in color. These are Cube People, and these six particular Cube People are embarking on an epic adventure through Cube Land to find the hidden treasures spread throughout it.
Cuboy, a pink Cube Person, stood in the center of the clearing over a grill, grasping a spatula in his right hand.
His girlfriend, Cubette, skips over to Cuboy.
"Mmm...the barbecue smells great, Cuboy! Is it almost done?" Cubette asked.
"Not quite. Still got to add my secret sauce." Cuboy replied.
"Ooh, secret sauce..." Cubette said dreamily, peeking over Cuboy's shoulder.
"It's um...it's a secret sauce, Cubette. You can't know what's in it. A good chef never reveals his secrets."
"I thought that was magicians."
"Yes, and I'm a magician on the grill. So if you don't mind, I'd like to cook by myself for a bit."
"Hmphh!" Cubette harrumphed, turning away.
"Don’t be like that, Cubette. I haven’t told anyone what is in my secret sauce. Not even Phil."
"Not even Phil? But you guys are best friends!"
"I heard best friend and came over as quickly as possible. Need anything?" Phil, a turquoise Cube Person, asked as he approached them.
"Could you explain to Cubette that not knowing my secret sauce recipe is not a big deal and she should move on from it like you did so easily?" Cuboy inquired.
"Yes, of course! Um, Cubette, not knowing Cuboy’s secret sauce recipe is not a big deal and you should move on from it like I did so easily." Phil said.
"Wow, you being his best friend I’d expect you to be torn apart by something like this." Cubette said.
"Yeah, well, like I said, it isn’t a big deal. It isn’t something you should prowl on day and night every day twenty-four seven."
"I never said it was..."
"Neither did I!"
"Well, I guess if you have a good calm head about it, there’s no reason I shouldn’t."
Meanwhile, inside of Phil’s mind: I must know what is in that darned recipe! I will not sleep until I know what it is!
"Phil!" Cuboy shouted.
"You zoned out. I said, could you get me tongs?"
"Oh, sure thing."
Phil walked into his tent to get the tongs. When he exited, he bumped into Cubro, Cuboy’s older brother.
"Watch out!" Cubro said as they bumped into each other. They both dropped the items they’d been carrying.
"Sorry Cubro, I didn’t...whatcha got there?" Phil asked.
"This? Oh, it’s that spell book that QB looted from that warlock that we fought yesterday. I was on my way to burn it."
"Burn it?! Why?"
"The thing is cursed. I tried reading it, but every time I started to make out a word, the letters would magically rearrange themselves. It’s impossible to read."
"Let me try." Phil said. He took the book from Cubro and started to read a page. "No way…there’s a magic stone in a cave north of here that can uncover people’s secrets!"
"How are you able to read that gibberish?"
"I’m dyslexic; I figured maybe if the letters were already jumbled up, I could read them just fine. It worked too."
"That’s cool I guess. I’m still going to get rid of this thing though."
"Can I keep this page?"
"Um, I guess."
Phil tore the page out of the book and placed it under his fedora.
“"Thanks!" Phil said, running off to give Cuboy the tongs.
"Here you go." Phil said, giving the tongs to Cuboy.
"Thanks, what took you so long?" Cuboy asked.
"I bumped into Cubro is all. Well, I’ve got to run. I forgot something at that mysterious cave up north that we’ve never been to before. Bye!"
"Okay, have fun."
Phil ran to his tent and gathered some supplies.
"All right, now to have a look at that map that was on the—where’s the page!?" he cried. He searched frantically for it, but failed to find it.
He emerged from his tent.
"Oh, there you are Phil. I thought you said you were leaving with Cubette." Cuboy said.
"With Cubette?" Phil asked.
"That’s what she’d told me."
"Oh...right. Better catch up with her then. See you later."
Phil took off north in search of Cubette.
"She must’ve overheard me reading aloud about the stone. I’ll bet she even stole the page from me!" Phil said.
"Hey there, stranger." a voice said. Phil looked up to see a Cube Person standing next to a flaming wagon. "Do you think you could help me? I was on my way home when I crashed my wagon into this tree. I dropped the lantern and it caught on fire."
"Um, actually, I’m kind of in a hurry."
"Oh, I understand. Everyone’s in a rush these days. Including that other girl who ran by."
"Other girl? What’d she look like, where’d she go?"
"She was pink, wore a bow on her head. She said she was heading up to the mysterious cave."
"I knew it!" Phil yelled, running off.
"Oh, um, okay. I’ll just stay here then, next to my burning wagon...help."
Soon, Phil reached the cave. The cave had strange runes carved around the outside. Phil dashed inside without hesitation.
"Cubette! Cubette, where are you!?" he shouted. "Cube--ahhh!"
Dozens of bats screeched as they flew past him.
Phil ran deeper into the cave. He soon came into a room with a high domed ceiling. On a pedestal in the middle of the floor was a glowing blue rock with a strange rune carved into it.
"That must be the stone!" he said, running towards the pedestal.
"Phil?" a voice said.
"Cubette?" he replied. He looked up to see Cubette hanging inside of a cage.
"The stone was booby-trapped." she explained.
"That’s what you get for stealing my map!"
"Sorry, I just...I really want to know what is in that secret sauce!"
"You and me both. Looks like you’ll have to go without it though!" he snapped, snatching the stone. Suddenly, he was yanked up into the air. He hung from the ceiling by a rope snare, dangling upside down.
"Ha! Now you’re stuck too!" Cubette taunted. Phil sighed.
"Tell you what. We both get out of here together and find out the secret sauce recipe together. What do you say?" Phil offered.
"All right, I guess that could work."
"Okay, here we go then." Phil said. He pulled a pair of scissors out of his hat and cut the rope. He then pulled out a lock pick set and sprung Cubette loose.
"All right, now let’s get out of here."
The two left the cave together, squinting as the sun’s light blinded them.
"All right, now let’s get back to the camp." Phil said. They stepped out of the cave’s mouth. Suddenly, the strange runes outside the cave glowed blue. The stone glowed brighter in intensity before shattering.
"No!" Cubette cried.
"Huh, I guess those runes kept the stone from leaving the cave with people. Nice to know."
"How are we going to find out what’s in the secret sauce now?"
"We...we could bug Cuboy until he breaks and tells us?"
"Let’s do it!"
Episode Two-The Mystery of the Stolen Food
"What was that noise?" QB asked.
"That was my stomach. Cube Orc hunting can make a guy hungry." Cubro said.
"Well, let's hope that Cuboy has lunch ready for us when we get back then!"
"Oh yeah, I can't wait to sink my teeth into some watermelon, it goes great with barbecue!"
"I totally agree. Race you back to camp!" QB said, taking off.
"Hang on! I don't want to drop all of the loot we collected from the Cube Orcs! Wait up!" Cubro called, securing his bag of loot. He ran after QB.
When they arrived in camp, the aroma of cooking barbecue lingered in the air.
The duo inhaled the scent, their stomachs grumbling at the thought of a delicious meal.
"Oh boy, smells like lunch is ready! Let's get to the table!" QB said.
"Hold up, I want to put away my loot." Cubro said, making his way to his tent.
Soon the whole group of adventurers congregated at the picnic table Phil had built.
"Hey, there you guys are. How was Cube Orc hunting?" Cuboy asked.
"It went great, I got some new enchanted boomerangs that can phase through walls." Cubro replied.
"Sounds awesome. Okay guys, let's dig in!" Cubrat said. Cuboy lifted the lid off of the plate that had held the barbecue. The group gasped at the lack of food on the plate.
"Did you, um...spill invisible ink on the food or something? Because...I don't see anything." Cubette said.
"Someone must have stolen it!" Cuboy said.
"Yeah, and I bet I know exactly who." Phil said.
"QB! He was here before the rest of us were! I bet he ate all of it before we got here! I've seen him do it before! He's always stuffing his face when master is not looking!"
"What? I didn't say anything."
"No way man, I would never eat all of the barbecue. Although, I've noticed that you always manage to pull something useful out of that fedora of yours! I bet Phil put all of the food in his bottomless hat so he could eat it later and then blamed me to throw suspicion off himself!" QB protested.
"Wait, guys, this is ridiculous! Who is always trying to cause mayhem among our group? Who is always to blame when some kind of trouble ensues in camp?" Cuboy asked.
"You!" Cubrat shouted.
"What? No, I meant Cubrute."
"Oh, yeah that makes more sense."
"Besides, have you seen the size of that guy? He could definitely eat all of this by himself."
"Yeah, you're right! Let's go to Cubrute's lair and demand he return our food to us!" Cubro yelled.
"Yeah!" They chorused, raising their fists in anger.
Meanwhile at Cubrute's lair, he was sitting on his couch, staring at his television. He burst out in thunderous laughter.
A Cubug scurried over to Cubrute.
"Um, Master Cubrute, that television isn't working. There's nothing on the screen."
"Silence! This is my favorite part!" Cubrute boomed. The Cubug rolled his eyes and crawled away.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"Huh? Who could that be?" Cubrute said. He hefted his large frame from the couch and lumbered over to the front door. He opened a small panel on the wall and pressed a red button. A loud roar followed by a scream blasted from the speaker mounted above the door.
"There, that sound effect ought to scare off any solicitors. Now, back to--"
The doorbell rang again. Cubrute growled in anger and threw the door open.
"What!? I'm not buying anything! Oh, it's just you guys. What do you want, I'm trying to watch a movie."
"Yeah, watch a movie while you stuff your face with our food!" Cubrat yelled accusingly.
"Hang on Cubrat, let's try talking to him first." Cubette said.
"Ugh, diplomacy. Why can't we just throw a riot like we planned? I brought my rioting chair and everything! Cubro was going to pepper spray him!"
"I was not!" Cubro yelled, hiding the pepper spray behind his back.
"Listen, I'm kind of in the middle of something." Cubrute said.
"Sorry, we just wanted to know if you were the one who stole our barbecue." Cubette said.
"No, today is my day off."
"Oh...okay, thanks anyways!" Cubette skipped off and Cubrute slammed the door.
"Cubette! What the heck! We know he took it! We just have to take it back!" QB shouted.
"I believe him. Someone or something else must have stolen the food."
"What would have taken the food?"
"I don't know, let's go back to the scene of the crime and search for clues."
"Ooh! Detective time!" Phil cheered, taking out his magnifying glass.
They returned to camp.
"Look here, tracks! I bet if we follow them, we could find the thief!" Phil said.
"Ugh, I hate it when he gets into detective mode." QB said.
"I don't know, I think it's kind of fun." Cuboy said.
Phil and the others followed the tracks deeper into the woods. They passed a large creek and soon came to a strange area of the forest. Large mushrooms and fungal growths replaced the trees in this area.
"I've never seen this place before." Cubro said.
"Yeah, it's foreign to me as well. We should be careful." Cuboy said. They all took out their weapons in case any danger reared its head.
"The tracks stop here. Where do we go next?" Cubette asked.
"Hmm...it looks like whatever made these tracks was rather large. Notice how these mushrooms have been knocked over? I'll bet whatever stole our food did this. We'll follow the downed mushrooms." Phil said, leading the group on.
"Hey look, a cave!"
"Yeah, maybe the thief is hiding out in here!"
They entered the cave, ready for action.
"I smell...barbecue! The thief is definitely here!" Cubro said, brandishing a boomerang.
"Yeah, I smell it too. Let's go get our food back!" QB shouted. They all charged towards the back of the cave.
"Aww, that's adorable!" Cubette said.
At the back of the cave the adventurers found two little Cubear cubs and a momma Cubear feasting on the barbecue.
"Momma Cubear must have smelled the barbecue while hunting and took it while everyone was off doing other things." Cubrat said.
"Well, she looks like she has some little babies to feed, so I guess she can keep it." Cuboy said.
"But what about lunch?" Cubro asked.
"Anyone up for lunch at Off the Rails Taco Hut?"
"Yeah, a trip into the city would be a nice change of pace." QB said.
"Looks like this case is all...wrapped up." Phil said.
"I don't get it." Cubro said.
"Wrap? Tacos? Anybody?"
"Oh, I get it. That was really bad." Cubette said.
"Oh whatever! Let's go have lunch!"
"Yeah!" they all cheered.
Episode Three-Stuck in a Cage
"Wait...how did we get stuck in here again?" Cubrat asked. The whole group of adventurers found themselves in a bad situation. They had been mining in the Ruby Caverns when they had suddenly been knocked out, waking up in an iron cage.
"I'm not sure. I don't remember anything. I just remember calling you guys over to look at the big ruby I had dug up, and the rest is a blur." Cubro said.
"Yeah, that's the last thing I remember too." Cubette agreed.
"Well one thing is for sure, we've got to get out of here. Phil and QB will be wondering where we are." Cuboy said.
Meanwhile, at the camp, QB and Phil were watching an action movie in the crystal ball QB kept in his tent.
"QB, I'm getting a little worried...the others were supposed to be back from mining an hour ago! Maybe we should go look for them..." Phil said.
"Whoa! That dude totally just blew up that car!" QB said.
"Aw man, I missed it because I was...what was I doing?"
"I don't know! I'm not at all wondering where the others have gone to!"
"Hmm...the cage looks like its being suspended in the air by that rope over there. I'll see if I can cut it with my boomerang." Cubro said. He reached for his boomerang, only to find that it was gone. "My boomerang is missing!"
"So is my hammer!" Cuboy said.
"Same with my sword." Cubrat piped.
"So...whoever put us in here, took our weapons so we couldn't escape."
"Who do you think put us in here?" Cubro asked.
"Good question." a voice said. Cubrute stepped out of the shadows. "I'll give you three guesses."
"Well, it couldn't be you, that'd be too obvious...was it that guy I owe money to?" Cubrat asked.
"Cubrat, Cubrute put us in here!" Cubette said.
"That's right, my lovely Cubette! And I won't let you out until you agree to go on a date with me!" Cubrute said.
"Cubette is my GF, Cubrute! Move along!" Cuboy said.
"Sounds like someone doesn't want to come out of that cage."
"All right, Cubrute. I'll do it." Cubette said.
"Cubette, no!" Cuboy protested.
"It is just one date, Cuboy, how bad could it be?"
"This is the worst date ever." Cubette said.
"Come on, sugar plum, eat your lobster." Cubrute said.
"It isn't lobster, it's a roach you found in a puddle. Also, why do I have to be handcuffed to the table?"
"Can't have you escaping!"
"You mean like this?!" Cubro shouted, leaping out of the cage.
"How did you escape?"
"Don't you remember when you opened the cage door for Cubette and you asked me to hold the key for you so you could get her out safely? Yeah, not your best plan."
"Darn! Well, I won't let you ruin our romantic dinner! Cubugs! Attack!"
"Yes, oh bossy one." the Cubugs said as they charged forward.
Cuboy, Cubrat, and Cubro recovered their weapons and began to fight off Cubrute's buggy minions.
"Now my sweet, where were we?" Cubrute asked. He looked across the table to find Cubette had vanished. "Hey, where are you?"
"Hyaa!" Cubette yelled as she karate-chopped Cubrute in the back.
"C'mon guys, let's get out of here!" Cuboy said. The adventurers fled the cave, leaving Cubrute and his Cubugs beat up.
They returned to the camp, now free, though not without their bumps and bruises.
"Hey guys, where have you been?" Phil asked.
There was no reply from the former captives, only angry glares.
"What, no rubies?"
Episode Four-Sweet Dreams
Night has fallen on Cube Land, and everyone is sleeping soundly. The adventurers were all snuggled into their tents, with pillows fluffed, lanterns snuffed, and teddy bears stuffed. The full moon shone brightly on the camp, illuminating it intensely. Not a sound was made in the camp, save for the chirping symphonies of the crickets and the occasional light-hearted hoot of an owl.
Tonight we will take a journey into the dreams of our dear adventurers. We may learn some interesting things! Let's begin with Cuboy, who is tucked away into his sleeping bag.
We see Cuboy made of pixels, in a sort of 16-bit design.
"I have to get my fruit back!" Cuboy said. He charged forward and leaped over rocks and small holes. He gallivanted through the grassy field until he soon encountered a snail.
"Time to bust out my hammers!" Cuboy said. He threw a hammer up into the air and let it plummet down on top of the 16-bit snail. The snail's shell cracked and it cried out. It fell through the ground and vanished. Cuboy continued on until he soon came to a large fruit basket.
"Yes! My fruit!" he said.
Well, that dream was rather strange...it's almost like the whole thing was a big reference...
Anyways, let's peek at Cubro's dream next.
"Dang it!" Cubro shouted as he caught his boomerang. It was missing a chunk of it. He and Cuboy were in a field.
"What's wrong?" Cuboy asked.
"Every time I throw a boomerang, it comes back with a bite out of it."
"Maybe something is biting them and then sending them back?"
"I don't know...I always wondered what makes boomerangs come back. I always thought there was some invisible guy that catches them and sends them back."
"Maybe he got hungry."
The two brothers laughed.
"Let's find out." Cubro said. "I won't throw my boomerang too far this time, then we can see what happens. Cubro hurled the boomerang ten feet in front of him. It stopped in mid-air and then a piece of it suddenly disappeared at the sound of a crunch. The boomerang then flew back to Cubro.
"Hey, is there an invisible guy here?" Cubro asked.
"No..." a voice said.
"Dude, I just heard you!"
"Why are you biting my boomerangs?"
"I just wanted people to appreciate my job. No one has ever solved the mystery of boomerangs before, and I hoped you would if I bit them."
"Oh...okay. Are you hungry?"
"Let's go get some barbecue!"
"Yay!" they all cheered. Then Cuboy turned upside down and floated away while the invisible man became visible and then exploded.
Dreams are strange, unexpected things can happen. Let's go see Cubrat's dream now.
"Cubette, cut my cake!" Cubrat ordered. He sat on a throne. The other adventurers were gathered around him. Cubette cut a slice out of the cake that sat on the table. Cubrat's feet were propped up on Phil's back, who was on the ground in front of the throne.
"No! A corner slice! Not the gross edge piece!" Cubrat complained. Cubette cut a new slice from the corner of the cake and held it out to him.
"Cuboy, fork!" Cubrat commanded. Cuboy took out a fork and stuck it into the cake.
"Good, now into my mouth!"
Cuboy moved the fork into Cubrat's mouth and fed him the piece of cake.
"Very good. Now, QB, tell me a story."
"The end, the prince saved the damsel, the prince killed the dragon, the prince took out his sword and fought the dragon, the prince arrived at the dragon's cave, the prince chased the dragon to its cave, the dragon captured the damsel, once upon a time." QB said.
"Well done. Now go and get my finger puppets!" Cubrat demanded.
"Yes, my liege!" the adventurers said, running off to do his bidding.
Well...that was...revealing...ah, well, it is time to see what Cubette dreams about!
"Honey, I'm home!" Cuboy said, walking in the door of a large mansion. He had a bushy brown moustache and wore a bowler hat. He set a suitcase down by the door.
Two little kids ran up to him chanting, "Daddy! Daddy!"
"Hi kids! How was school today?"
"I made a paper airplane out of corn!" one child said.
"I made corn out of a paper airplane!" the other replied.
"Well, that's fantastic!"
"Hi there, hon!" Cubette said, twirling into the room wearing a white, flowery sundress. Suddenly, the sound of an audience applauding could be heard, as if they were appearing on a sitcom.
Once the applause died down, Cubette said, "Dinner is ready."
"Well isn't that swell! Kids, could you take my suitcase to my room?" Cuboy asked.
"We would daddy, but your suitcase is too heavy. It's like there are bricks inside of it!" one of the children said.
"Well, when you're a geologist, you're going to have a suitcase full of rocks!"
The imaginary audience laughed. Once the laughter dissipated, Cubette said, "I made your absolute favorite, grilled table and steamed chairs. Now, let's go sit down at the roast chicken and eat our delicious furniture!"
Yes, dreams truly are the most bizarre things. Let's take one last look at a dream. Phil's dream!
"It's so dark in here!" Phil said. He then lifted his hat up above his eyes.
And then...and then...that's it? That's a pretty dumb dream...whatever!
I hope you all enjoyed this wild adventure into the mind. Dreams can say a lot about a person, but then again they can also be just plain ridiculous. Join me next time where we watch flamingos battle for territory against their natural predators, the coo-coo clocks.
See you next time!
~Thanks to Test Subject Fan for his suggestion!
"And then, I sliced off the Cube Cyclops' head!" Cubro shouted, finishing his tale.
"Wow, that was a great story, Cubro!" Cuboy said as they all applauded.
"Thank you." he said, taking a bow.
"Well, I think that's good enough for campfire story time. What's next on the schedule for today, QB?"
"Next up, is javelin throwing competitions." QB answered, looking at his clipboard.
"All right! Who's first?"
"Wait everyone!" Phil cried as he dashed over to them.
"Phil? Where did you come from? I thought you were sitting next to me this whole time!"
"Nah, I left quite a while ago. Anyways, I found this cool book at the dump!" Phil said, holding up a book. They all gathered around, curious.
"Wait, this is the cursed spell book that I ditched all that time ago. You shouldn't use it, it's dangerous!" Cubro shouted.
"It's not dangerous! I already used it to unclog the shower in Cubette's tent!"
"Is that why it's all dirty?" QB asked.
"No, I used a spell to unclog it. It worked great! Here, let me try another one..."
"No! We have to destroy that book! It's cursed!" Cubro shouted.
"Uh-uh! It's totes legit! Watch, here's a coupon spell. It can make any coupon! Okay, here it goes...Couponous Conjuris!"
A puff of smoke and a flash of light came from where Phil pointed. Lying on the ground was a coupon.
"It's a coupon for...a free dinner at Salad Palace? Yuck!" Cubrat said as he read the coupon.
"It's all right, I'll just make a new coupon." Phil said. He recited the spell again.
"It's another Salad Palace coupon! Are you sure you're saying it right?"
"Let me try." Cubrat snatched the book from Phil. "Oh cool, here's a mind reading spell. Literaturis Cerebris!"
I wonder if that unclogging spell can unclog the sink too... Cubette thought.
"Cool! I can hear your thoughts!"
Suddenly, everyone started thinking things at once, overwhelming Cubrat's brain with too many voices.
"Ahh! You're all in my head now! Get out!."
"Oh...maybe this book is cursed after all." Phil said.
"I told you!" Cubro said.
"That's all right, we'll just throw it away again, no problem."
Phil tossed the book into a bush.
"There, it's all gone."
That night, Phil woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare. He lit a candle and looked around. He started to lay back down to go back to sleep.
"What the heck!?"
Everyone ran to Phil's tent.
"What's the matter Phil?" Cubette asked.
"The book got into my tent and I don't know how!" Phil cried.
"It's cursed! It's become attached to you!" Cubro shouted.
"You were right. I shouldn't have gotten the book from the dump in the first place."
"Wait, you just tossed it into the bush, right? Maybe if we put it back where you found it, it'll leave us alone." Cuboy suggested.
"Worth a shot." Cubrat said.
"Well I'm going back to bed. You guys can go to the dump, but I'm wiped." Cubette said, returning to her tent.
The others travelled to the dump and tossed the book into a heap of garbage.
"There, all over and done with. Right Phil?" Cuboy said.
"Yeah, man." Phil responded sleepily.
"You're holding the book."
Phil looked down at the object in his arms.
"Darn it!" Phil cried.
The next morning, the group gathered for a meeting.
"We must do something about this book." Cubro said.
"We could travel a long distance and throw it into a volcano." QB suggested.
"Nah, too far of a journey. It'd be faster if we had giant eagles." Cuboy said.
"We could put it in a wood chipper." Cubrat offered.
"Do we have a wood chipper?" Cubro asked.
"C'mon guys, we've got to think of something! I can't put this stupid book down to eat a sandwich without getting a mouthful of page seventy eight!" Phil shouted.
"I think I might have an idea." Cubette said.
"All right Cubette, what's your idea?"
"We give the book to someone else. Then they get the curse."
"But that's so...villainous. What poor innocent person could we dump this cursed book on?" QB asked.
"Well, I can't think of any poor innocent folk we could give it to, but I do know a certain someone who isn't so innocent."
"Coming! Coming!" Cubrute shouted as he lumbered towards the front door. Someone had knocked most urgently, interrupting his card game.
He threw open the door to find no-one there.
"Darn hooligans playing ding-dong ditch again...wait, what have we here?" Cubrute said, picking up a small package on the doorstep.
"For Cubrute--to be opened immediately. Well, I won't argue with that. Free gift! Woohoo!"
Cubrute tore into the package, producing a book from the wrapping.
"Oh, a book! I'm not much of a reader, but it'd be a nice change of pace from watching TV all day. Page one..."
Cubrute closed the door, oblivious to the curse the book held.
Episode Six-Over the Bridge
"My feet hurt!" Cubette complained.
"Stop complaining! I've been carrying you on my back for the past mile!" Cuboy said.
"Well, they still hurt!"
"Why are we travelling such a long way anyway, Cuboy?" QB asked.
"Because this map says that at the edge of this very woods is a magic fountain that can make any food you could think of! Imagine, we wouldn't have to grill or cook our own food anymore! We'd save much more time for adventurers with this fountain." Cuboy explained.
"Even though in the time it takes to get to the fountain we could've cooked up three Thanksgiving dinners?"
"Don't be such a downer QB! This'll be worth the hike!" Cubro said.
"Um, yeah! Besides, I'm sure we're getting close."
"I hope so..." QB mumbled.
"What does the map say?" Phil asked.
"It says that the fountain is just over the next bridge." Cuboy answered.
"Hey, I see a bridge up ahead!" Cubro cried in excitement.
"Oh thank goodness! We're nearly there! Cubette, would you mind?"
"But my feet hurt--"
"SO BAD!" the rest of the group chorused, having heard her whining dozens of times already.
"Here we are, at the bridge. Let's get across!" Cubrat said.
"Wait, Cubrat! Don't you think something as precious as a food-making fountain would be guarded by something?" Phil asked.
Cubrat thought about it for a while. "No..."
"Please, this bridge probably has a magic spell on it that will transport us back to camp once we set foot on it. Or, maybe a giant cockroach is hiding in the trees. Or, maybe it's got a trio of big, ugly trolls hiding under it!"
"Hey!" a voice shouted. Three figures came out from under the bridge and walked up onto the path.
"We aren't big!" one of the creatures said.
QB laughed. "Funny, they didn't deny being ugly..."
"Silence! Who are you?" one of the trolls asked.
"I'm Cuboy, these are my brothers, Cubro and Cubrat, my cousin QB, my best friend Phil, and my girlfriend Cubette." Cuboy rambled, introducing them all. "Who might you be?"
"We are the trolls, guardians of the Bridge that leads to the Magical Powerful Food-Making Fountain of Wonderful Wonder and Power!" one of the trolls said.
"That's a long title." Cubrat quipped.
"Enough! Turn around, adventurers, for you are not worthy of the Magical Powerful Food-Making Fountain of Wonderful Wonder and Power." At the end of the troll's speech, he inhaled deeply after having said that long title in only one breath.
"Um...what fountain?" QB asked.
"Don't play dumb with us! We trolls have really good hearing and we heard your whole conversation on the way here!"
"We didn't say fountain...we said, uh, mountain, yeah! We were going to go mountain climbing." Cuboy said.
"Oh, well in that case, go on across."
"No! Turn back or we trolls will grind your bones to make our bread!"
"I thought that was giants." Cubette said.
"Yeah Snort, giants make bone bread, not trolls! Besides, have you tried bone bread before? It's really gritty and crunchy, and you occasionally find a bone in it...not very appetizing. Or nutritious either! No fiber, no protein, although it does have quite a bit of calcium..." a troll said. The lead troll grabbed the troll's nose and pulled him close.
"Quiet Flort! You just ruined my menacing threat! Now how are we supposed to get them to leave?" he shouted.
"Um, excuse me, but if you don't mind, we'd like to cross the bridge now." Cubro said.
"We do mind! You are never going to cross this bridge!"
"What if we gave you something in return?" Phil asked.
"Are you trying to bribe us?" Snort asked.
"Because if you are..."
"We're listening!" Flort piped in.
"No, Flort! I was going to say that we'd kill them! See, this is why you keep your mouth shut during the rehearsals!"
"Oh, I thought you just forgot to give me my script..."
"Listen guys...may I call you 'guys'? Anyways, it's getting late and we want to be home by dinner." Cuboy said.
"Then turn around now, foolish adventurer!" Snort said.
"Yeah!" the other unnamed troll added.
"We would, but the thing is, we can't. We're all out of provisions. We'd starve to death before we made it back home. If only there were a food supply closer to us..." Cuboy said.
"Oh, how about the Magical Powerful Food-Making Fountain of Wonderful Wonder and Power!?" Flort shrieked.
"Flort!" Snort shouted.
"Hey! There's an idea! Unfortunately, we can't cross the bridge because you guys are blocking our path." Phil said.
"That's right, now go home!" Snort bellowed.
"That's such a sad story..." Flort whimpered.
"C'mon Snort, we need to help these poor travelers!"
"No, we must--"
"I know! You guys stay here and I'll go fetch the food from the fountain for you!"
"Blargh! Flort, stop right--"
Flort sprinted off towards the fountain like a gazelle, not hearing Snort's protests. Snort turned back to the group of adventurers.
"I know what you're up to!"
"Whatever do you mean?" Cubrat asked.
"I mean how you are all tricking my weak-minded comrade into getting food for you!"
"I'm baa-aack!" Flort sang, skipping over to the group. He held a boulder of food in his arms. "I got you all barbecue and some delicious side dishes!"
"Barbecue! Oh, shucks, how did you know?" QB asked, taking the food.
"Oh, well, I just sorta had this feeling..." Flort replied, blushing.
"Stop this nonsense! Hand that food back over and leave this instant!" Snort demanded.
"Okay..." Flort said, walking away.
"Not you! Them!" Snort yelled at the top of his lungs.
"There's no-one there."
"What are you talking about, you--"
The adventurers had vanished, along with all of the food.
"Well, that was a successful adventure I'd say." Cubro said.
"Yep, and we've got dinner for the next week right here!" QB said.
"And it was all thanks to Flort, the weak-minded troll." Cuboy said, opening a can of soda. The others all popped their cans open and raised them into the air.
"To Flort!" they called in unison.
Episode Seven-The Blonde Monster
The adventurers' merry game of cards had been interrupted when the three bears galumphed into their camp.
"Bears in the camp! Grab your weapons!" Cubrat said, unsheathing his sword. The others drew their weapons and got into a battle-ready stance.
"Wait!" the biggest bear said. "We came here to ask you for help!"
The adventurers put their weapons down and listened to the bear's plea.
"A horrible monster has invaded our home...we don't know what it is, but it's terribly loud and ferocious-sounding!" the biggest bear explained.
"I caught a glimpse of the monster in my bedroom. It had blonde fur, and looked terribly big." the smallest bear said. "It was scary!"
The middle-sized bear hugged him close to comfort him.
"Don't worry, we'll help. We slay monsters for a living!" Cuboy said. The others murmured in agreement.
"Oh thank goodness! We'll take you to our home right away." the father bear said. The bears led the adventurers to a cozy little cottage deep in the woods. A cute mailbox bearing the word 'Bears' sat in front of the house.
"We should be careful. I don't know where in the house the monster could be." the father bear said. The adventurers nodded and cautiously advanced on the house.
As they neared the door, they signaled to each other with their hands.
"Okay, on three, we bust into the house! Um, quietly and stealthily, that is." Cubro said. "One, two, three."
The adventurers slowly opened the door and crept inside.
"I'll stay outside and keep watch. Mama bear and baby bear will come inside with you." Papa bear whispered.
"Okay." Cubrat said.
"All right, can you run us through what happened?" Phil asked.
"Well, I had made my famous cinnamon vanilla porridge for breakfast this morning, but it was too hot for us to eat when I took it out of the oven. I set it on the table to cool, and Papa Bear said we should go on a walk." Mama Bear explained.
"I see...I suppose that the smell of the porridge lured the monster here."
"Well, I suppose it could have...anyways, when we returned, we checked on the porridge."
"My porridge was all gone! The greedy monster ate it all!" Baby Bear cried.
"Shh, we don't want the monster to hear you."
"May I see the evidence, ma'am?" Phil questioned.
"He means the porridge. Sorry, he's in detective mode now." Cubette explained.
Mama Bear gestured to the table, where three bowls sat. Phil took a taste from the biggest bowl.
"Hmm...too hot..." he said.
He then took a taste from the middle-sized bowl.
"Just as I thought."
"What is it?" Cuboy asked.
Phil then went to the last bowl.
"This bowl is empty...but the monster forgot to lick the spoon." Phil took a taste of the leftover porridge from the spoon.
"This porridge is...how should I describe it?"
"Just right?" QB offered.
"Yes, yes, just right." Phil said. He began to make his way around the table, when he tripped on something. He stood up and looked at what he had tripped over.
"Aha...it seems that Baby Bear was correct in his description that the monster is quite large." Phil said.
"How do you know?" Mama Bear asked.
"Baby Bear's chair is broken. If the monster ate from his bowl, it most likely sat in his chair. And if it sat in his chair and broke it, than it would have to be quite large and heavy to do so."
Mama Bear gasped.
"All right, so what happened after you noticed the porridge was gone?"
"Then we heard the monster growling. Papa bear said he thought it was coming from upstairs, so we went to investigate. The growling was coming from the bedroom. Baby Bear was about to go inside, but I stopped him." she said.
"That's when I saw the monster." Baby Bear piped in.
"Okay, you two stay down here. We will go and investigate." Cubro said.
The adventurers made their way up the stairs, slowly and silently.
QB stepped on one of the steps and a loud creak was emitted from it. All of the others waved their arms frantically for him to be quiet. QB grimaced and took another stepped. He sighed relief when it didn't creak and the group continued upstairs. They soon came to a room with a deep, rumbling sound coming from it.
"The monster must be in there. He does sound rather ferocious..." Cubrat said.
"Don't worry, I'll check it out." Cubette said. She crept into the room as stealthy as a ninja and observed the beds. Two were empty, but the one on the far end of the room was occupied by a strange form. It was mostly hidden by the blankets, but Cubette did manage to make out blonde curls.
"Baby bear was right, it does have blonde fur. And it is pretty big..." she whispered.
"Okay, stay there, I'm coming in." Cuboy said.
"So am I, a detective never misses the conviction of the culprit!" Phil said.
The duo slipped into the room.
"It's in that bed." Cubette said.
"Wait...that's not growling...the monster is snoring. It's taking a nap." Phil said. The trio walked over to the bed and surrounded it.
Cuboy threw back the covers.
"What?!" the three shouted. The monster stirred, waking up. It rubbed its eyes and looked around.
"Huh? Who are you three?" it asked.
"I'm Cuboy, that's Cubette, and that's Phil. Who are you?"
"But...you're just a little girl!" Phil said.
"It's okay Mama Bear, the monster just turned out to be a little girl that snores really loudly!" Cuboy shouted.
"Yes Miss Cubilocks, bears. You may not be a monster, but you are guilty of trespassing on bear's property, vandalizing a chair, and stealing porridge." Phil said.
"I couldn't help myself, that porridge smelled too good!"
"Tell it to the judge!"
"Wait Phil! This is not our jurisdiction! Let the bears decide what to do with her." Cuboy said.
"You mean to tell me that the monster that has had us scared out of our minds is really just a little girl?!" Papa Bear shouted. They had all gathered in the kitchen.
"That's right. What do you think we should do with her?" Cubrat asked.
"Eh, let her go. She's a kid, she doesn't know any better."
"What!? But, but what about the punishment?" Phil said.
"It's fine, really. We can make more porridge." Mama Bear said.
"Can I have some?" Cubilocks asked.
"GET OUT!" everyone shouted.
Cubilocks fled from the house.
"Thank you adventurers, for helping us." Papa Bear said.
"Well, when it comes to solving crimes, I guess you could say I'm...hot as porridge!" Phil said.
"That was terrible." Mama Bear said.
"Mama, make the man stop!" Baby Bear cried.
They all laughed in a cliché ending.
"Wait...this story seems awfully familiar..." Cubrat said.
Episode Eight-Watch Dogs
"Hack! Hack! Hack! Hack!" Cubrat shouted.
"You know you don't have to shout hack every time you hack at the practice dummy with your sword right?" QB said.
"C'mon man, get with the gaming crowd. It's supposed to be a reference!"
"A reference to w-oh, I get it. Ha-ha. Very funny, very clever."
"Hello fellas!" a voice said. They turned to see the mayor himself emerge from the tree line.
"Mayor Cubington?" they said in surprise.
"The one and only! So, where is Cuboy?" the mayor asked.
"Oh, he and the others are out on a hike. Why?" Cubrat asked.
"Oh, he isn't here? Hm, perhaps I should just come back later..."
"Nonsense! We can help you! What is it that you need?"
"Well, I need someone to look after my little pooch so that I can go and cut the ribbon at the new video game store that is opening. Some big crowd of gamers is really excited about some new game..."
Cubrat gasped. "You mean Watch D-" QB elbowed him.
"Dude, enough with the references." he said.
"I don't really know, but my usual dog sitter had to cancel today. I wanted to ask Cuboy to look after my dog, but since he isn't here..." the mayor said.
"We'll watch your dog for you!" QB offered.
"Why that would be terrific! He's in this dog carrier, along with his bowl, his dog food, a bottle of water, and his favorite chew toy. Good luck!"
The mayor left and the two boys looked at the dog carrier.
"So, who is going to look after the dog?" Cubrat asked.
"Dude, I said we'd both look after him! So, you're getting the first shift."
"What! No way! I can't because I'm uh, I'm allergic to dogs!"
"You're allergic to dogs?"
"You, the guy who asks Santa for a puppy...every year?"
QB sighed. "Fine, I'll take first watch."
QB opened the cage and let the dog out. He grabbed the chew toy.
"Just uh, one thing I need you to do." QB said.
QB tossed the chew toy to Cubrat. Cubrat caught it clumsily. The dog barked and hopped up on Cubrat.
"Play with the dog!" QB shouted as he ran off.
"You did not just stick me with the first shift like some sort of shifty, two-timing con artist!" Cubrat yelled.
"I kind of did."
Cubrat groaned. He threw the chew toy into a bush. The dog ran after it.
Cubrat turned his attention to the tree line.
"QB, I know you're hiding behind that large oak that has a carving of a duck in it! Come on out!" he shouted.
"It's not a duck...it's a goose." QB replied.
"Whatever! Just get out here and help me take care of this dog!"
Cubrat turned his attention back to the bush.
"Come on out boy, time to give you some chow." he said.
The dog did not bark. The dog did not come out. The dog did not play the bagpipes.
"Oh no...QB! The dog is gone!"
"Yeah right, you're just trying to get me to come out." QB responded.
"I'm serious man, we lost the mayor's dog!"
"Oh man, you lost the mayor's dog!" QB said, coming out of the tree line.
"I lost it? You're the one who signed us up for dog-sitting!" Cubrat yelled.
"Okay, okay, point taken. We've got to find that dog!"
"Okay...where do you think he could have gone?"
"I don't know!"
"All right, let's just start looking for him. He's bound to be in the last place we look."
"Of course he'd be in the last place we look! Because then we'd stop looking!"
"Just start searching!"
The duo scoured the entire campgrounds, but with no trace of the dog.
"Where did you last see him?" QB asked.
"He jumped into that bush there." Cubrat answered.
QB searched through the bush.
"Hey dude, there's a big hole under this bush. I bet he fell down here!" QB said.
"Well, we will always remember him as the one dog we ever sat, and the last dog we ever sat...because we're bad at dog sitting." Cubrat said.
"We're going after him."
"What!? This hole has death written all over it!"
"It's the mayor's dog! If he finds out we lost his dog, he'll have us in a pillory for the rest of our lives!"
"What's a pillory?"
"It's kind of like the stocks except it forces the person to stand more upright and--we are not discussing this now! Let's go!" QB said, jumping into the hole.
Cubrat sighed and then plunged in after him.
The hole dumped out into an extensive cave network.
"He could be anywhere in these caves!" QB shouted.
"Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog!" voices chanted.
"Do you hear that?" Cubrat said.
"Yeah, I must be really hungry. I shouldn't have skipped lunch." QB replied.
The two boys ran deeper into the caves. Soon they came upon a room with a blazing bonfire in it. Several figures sat on rocks surrounding the fire. A spit made of sticks was suspended above the fire, with something furry tied to it.
"The mayor's dog!" QB cried.
All of the figures turned to look at the newcomers.
"Uh...it's okay, we're just really big bats." Cubrat said.
"Food!" one shouted.
"Food!" the others chanted.
"Cube Cannibals! Run!" Cubrat said.
"What about the mayor's dog!?" QB yelled.
"Ugh, I hate it when you're right. Hey, here is the little guy's chew toy." Cubrat said, picking it up.
"You just gave me an idea." QB said. He took the chew toy and tossed it to a cannibal. "Poochy! Get your toy! Fetch your toy! C'mon!"
The dog writhed with excitement at seeing its toy, breaking free from the spit and leaping for his toy. The cannibals began to play hot potato with the toy as they realized that the dog was after it. One by one, the cannibals were tackled to the ground by the dog, until all of them were lying on the ground, defeated.
The dog retrieved its toy and ran up to QB.
"Well, I'd say this was a successful dog-sitting." QB said.
"Yeah, but how are we going to get out of here?" Cubrat asked.
"You just ruined it for me."
Episode Nine-Picnic Pals
"This looks like the perfect spot to have our picnic, Cubette." Cuboy said, spreading out the blanket at the top of the hill. It was a perfectly sunny day with a light breeze.
"This is really sweet of you, Cuboy. You know, sometimes I just feel like we don't get enough time alone together." Cubette said.
"No problem, Cubette. How could I forget our six-month-aversary?" Cuboy replied. Cubette smiled as Cuboy got out the picnic basket and began to lay out their meal.
"Sandwich, m'lady?" Cuboy offered.
"Why thank you!" Cubette replied. She took a bite of it. "Mmm, chicken salad! You remembered my favorite sandwich!"
"Of course I did!" Cuboy said. "After all, it wouldn't be a picnic without sandwiches. I just wanted to do something really special for you, you know?"
"I know just what you mean."
"Now, let's dig in! I brought some--"
"Cuboy! Cuboy! You've got to help! Ooh, sandwich." Cubrat said as he ran up. He grabbed a sandwich and bit into it. He chewed it thoughtfully for a while.
"Why are you here?"
"Hm? Oh right, I need your help!"
"What is it?"
"I can't open this pickle jar." he said, producing the jar. Cuboy sighed.
"You couldn't have asked one of the others to open it for you?"
"Oh...sorry. Can you open it please?"
Cuboy sighed again and opened the jar, handing it to Cubrat.
"Thanks, Cuboy!" Cubrat said, running off down the hill.
"Sorry about that. Where were we?" Cuboy asked.
"I believe we were about to break out the pretzels." Cubette replied.
"Oh yeah. I got some really special pretzels, they've got extra--"
"Cuboy! Cuboy!" a voice called.
Cuboy looked down the hill to see QB and Cubro dashing towards them.
"Hey, guys. What is it? Also, could you make it fast? I'm in the middle of something." Cuboy said.
"Oh, a picnic. Why didn't you tell us you were having a picnic?" QB asked.
"Well, because Cubette and I were--"
"Oh, no matter. We can just join the picnic now." Cubro said.
"Oh, well, you see, um..."
"Ooh, pretzels. With extra salt! My favorite." Cubro said, taking the bag of pretzels.
QB began to eat a sandwich, chewing it loudly with his mouth open. Cubette slid away from him to avoid getting hit with stray crumbs.
"Um guys, it's nice of you to stop by, but--" Cuboy began.
"Oh, of course! Cubro, we're being rude!" QB said.
Cuboy smiled as they finally understood.
"We should have brought a dish to the picnic!" QB said.
Cuboy's smile vanished as he realized that they did not understand.
"Of course! We'll be right back, Cuboy, we're going to go and whip up some coleslaw." Cubro said. The duo got up from their seats and ran down the hill.
"Sorry. I promise, from now on, we'll be all alone." Cuboy said.
"Well, I guess it isn't your fault that they showed up. It's fine. It's just that...sometimes it seems like there's too much guy time around here. I kind of which I had a girl friend to talk to." Cubette said.
"Oh...yeah, I guess that makes sense."
"I mean, when I came with you guys on this adventure, I thought it would be a lot of fun. And it has been, but...I don't know, maybe I should go back to the city, find some friends--that are girls--to hang out with."
"I understand if you want girl friends to hang with, but I don't want you to leave."
"Neither do I...I don't know. It was just an idea. Forget I ever said anything."
"Now wait, I want you to be happy. Don't let me hold you back, if you need a bit more elbow room and independence, you just let me know."
"Thanks, Cuboy. You always know what to say."
"Well then, let me be the first to say that it's time for desert."
Cuboy took chocolate-covered strawberries and angel food cake out of the basket. As they began to eat, another voice called from below.
Phil was hoofing it up the hill. By the time he got to the top, he was very tired and collapsed on the ground. He heaved himself to his feet and took a deep breath.
"I heard that...you guys...were...having a...picnic, and...I wanted to..." Phil said between breaths.
Before he could finish speaking, Cubrat, Cubro, and QB arrived. Cubro and QB had made a tray of coleslaw and set it down on the blanket. Cubrat set down his pickle jar next to it.
"We brought things for the picnic!" they chorused.
"Well, thanks guys, but really this picnic--"
"Looks great, I know. Now let's dig in!" Cubro said.
Cuboy turned red with anger.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" he shouted. The others were startled by his sudden rage.
"This picnic is a special celebration for me and Cubette's six-month-aversary. And we keep getting interrupted by you guys and it is very annoying! Cubette and I hardly ever get any alone time as it is, and as soon as we do, you guys come and ruin it!" Cuboy shouted.
Phil finally caught his breath and spoke again.
"That's what I've been trying to say. I came up here to wish you guys a happy six-month-aversary." Phil said.
"Oh..." Cuboy said.
"We're sorry Cuboy. We didn't know. We didn't mean to ruin your picnic. We'll leave now if you'd like." Cubro said.
"I'm sorry guys. I didn't mean to get mad. I've tried so many times to tell you that this was a special picnic, but I was always interrupted." Cuboy said.
"We understand, Cuboy. Every now and then, you and Cubette need some time alone together." QB said.
"C'mon guys, let's go." Phil said. The four boys turned to leave.
"Hey, guys." Cubette piped in. They looked back at her.
"You know, there's a lot of food to eat here, too much for just me and Cuboy to eat...maybe you guys could help us finish it?" she asked.
"But Cubette, I thought you wanted to be alone with me." Cuboy said.
"I do, but sometimes sharing with your friends is more important." she replied. They all smiled as they ate the delicious food.
"Yeah, you're right Cubette. You're right." Cuboy said, grinning.
Episode Ten-A Special Surprise!
"Haha! Full house, baby! Fork over the cash!" QB said.
"We're just playing this for fun, you know, there's no cash involved." Cubrat said.
"What? Then why am I playing?"
Cubro sighed. "All right, who's playing next hand?" he asked.
All of the players raised their hands except for Cuboy.
"I've got something I need to take care of." Cuboy said.
"Oh...okay." QB said.
Cuboy went into his tent and slid the brown package out of the bag.
"All right, time to spring the surprise on Cubette." Cuboy said to himself. Several bangs came from inside the box. "Shh, you've got to keep quiet."
Cuboy exited the tent with the package and made his way to Cubette's tent. Suddenly, he was stopped by a stranger.
The stranger wore sunglasses and a cool blue cap with a lightning bolt on it. The cap sat sideways on the stranger's head. A toothpick stuck out of the stranger's mouth.
"Um...can I help you?" Cuboy asked.
"Yo, I'm looking for Cubette. Word on the street is that she took off with a bunch of losers into the forest. You seen her 'round?" the stranger asked.
"I'll have you know that I am not a loser! Also, she's in that tent." Cuboy said, pointing to her pink tent.
"Thanks, dawg!" the stranger said, holding out a fist. Cuboy was unable to bump it because his hands were full. The stranger strutted off to the tent.
"Who was that?" Phil asked as he approached.
"I have no idea." Cuboy replied.
"Let's go check it out."
"Well, okay." Cuboy said. He set down the package in his tent. "I guess it'll have to wait."
The duo made their way to the pink tent. The stranger stood outside the tent entrance, talking to someone inside, most likely Cubette. Cubette emerged from the tent.
"Hey, Cubette. Do you know this guy?" Phil asked.
"Yeah, this is my *ahem* friend, Cubyo."
"Friends, right. Y'see, Cubette, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you 'bout..." Cubyo said.
"Yo, Cubyo! How's it hanging?" QB said, coming to join the group.
"You know him too?" Cuboy asked.
"You know it! Me and Cubyo go way back. We were friends in grade school. You look good, buddy!" QB said.
"Not lookin' too bad yourself there, Quincy." Cubyo responded.
Phil snorted. "Quincy?"
"Shut up!" QB shouted.
"So whatcha doin' with this crowd, Quincy?" Cubyo asked.
"Well, this is my cousin Cuboy, and over there are my cousins Cubro and Cubrat. Cubette and Phil here are just friends. We came out here on an adventure."
"Sounds tight, dawg. And, uh, speakin' of friends..." Cubyo said.
"I'm sorry, but Quincy? Your name is Quincy? What does the 'B' stand for?" Phil said.
QB sighed. "I go by QB now, Cubyo."
"Oh, a'ight. Sounds wicked cool. By the way, his last name is Bernard." Cubyo said.
Phil burst into laughter.
"So, Cubette, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to--"
"Oh my gosh, you should join us for dinner, Cubyo! We got to catch up after all this time." QB said.
"Uh, of course, sounds jammin'. But uh, I've really got to talk to Cubette right now...alone."
"Oh, okay. Talk to you later, then." QB said. He and Phil walked off.
"Yo, Rubik's Cube, didn't you hear me? I need to talk to her alone." Cubyo snapped. Cuboy narrowed his eyes and walked away reluctantly.
"Okay, here's the deal, Cubette, I want us to be more than friends...again." Cubyo said.
"I'm sorry, Cubyo, but we had both agreed to just be friends. I'm seeing someone else now." Cubette replied.
"Who? Quincy? I mean, QB?"
"No...Cuboy. He's my boyfriend."
"That fool? He couldn't slam dunk a golf ball into a hula hoop three feet off the ground! C'mon Cubette, you know deep down that you want me back. C'mon, we'll get away from all this horrible forest, go back to the city, enjoy a night out on the town, and then, maybe in a few years, we could get hitched, buy a house--"
"No, Cubyo. Not after what you did to me."
"What'd I do?"
"Oh please, you really think I didn't know you cheated on me?"
"Oh please, she didn't mean nothin' to me, I--"
"No excuses! I want you out of our camp! You can forget staying for dinner, I want you out! Now!"
"I ain't leaving till I feel good and ready."
"You're going to leave or my friends will make you leave."
"Yeah right, Quinc- I mean, QB would never let that happen."
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Obviously he doesn't remember that it was his girlfriend that you cheated on me with. I'm sure a little reminder would jolt him into action."
Cubyo harrumphed. "You can't make me leave."
"Cuboy!" Cubette called.
"Oh, no! Don't call your boyfriend!" Cubyo said sarcastically. "What's he gonna do, pet me into submission?"
"What is it, Cubette?" Cuboy asked.
"Cubyo is my ex-boyfriend. He's a big jerk and he won't leave me alone. I want him to leave." Cubette said.
"Oh, all right. Phil!" Cuboy called.
"What, backup? Don't think you can take me on by yourself, pipsqueak? Too wimpy to fight like a man?" Cubyo asked.
"Phil, get my package from my tent and bring it here." Cuboy said. Phil raced over to the tent and soon returned with the large package.
"Cubette, I got this gift for you as a surprise. I think now is the right time to open it." Cuboy said. Cubette opened the package. Suddenly, a small horse galloped out of the opened box and rammed headfirst into Cubyo.
Cubyo flew head over heels, straight into the sky.
"I think I'm blasting off again, yo!" he shouted before disappearing from sight.
"Aw, you got me a horse! That's so sweet, thanks Cuboy!" Cubette said.
"Yep, her name is Gracieux, which meand elegant in French." Cuboy explained.
"Oh, she's wonderful, thanks again, Cuboy!"
"And that, is how you treat a lady." Cuboy said.
As the dust settled, Cubette's cough followed. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was in a barren, sandy desert. A single cactus stood next to her and Gracieux, her new horse.
"Cuboy! Cubrat! Phil! Where are they?" Cubette asked.
Gracieux whinnied in reply.
"We must have gotten separated in the sandstorm. I hope they're all okay."
Cubette shielded her eyes from the bright sun. "All right, Gracieux, which way is home?" Cubette asked her horse.
"If only I spoke horse." Cubette said. She sighed. "Well, the sun is pretty high in the sky...it looks to be about three o' clock. Meaning that the sun would set over there, in the west. So home should be to the south...that way!" Cubette thought aloud.
She mounted Gracieux and they began to head south.
After an hour of riding, Gracieux began to slow down.
"What's the matter Gracieux?" Cubette asked, dismounting.
The little horse looked very tired and hot.
"You must be thirsty. I'm getting pretty thirsty too. Here, I've got a little water left in my canteen." Cubette shared the water with the horse. It wasn't much, but enough to keep them hydrated for a while longer.
"We'd better find water. We'll never make it home without water."
Cubette decided to let the horse rest, and so she refrained from mounting it again. They walked side by side together for a while. Soon, Cubette saw a grove of trees ahead.
"Tress...it must be an oasis! There must be some water there, c'mon, Gracieux!"Cubette took off towards the oasis. Gracieux did not budge.
"What's wrong Gracieux? It's an oasis! There's water there, c'mon!"
Cubette continued running to the oasis. She ran to the cool pool of water there. The oasis was absolutely beautiful. A trio of palm trees loomed over it, as if standing guard. A painter's palette of colors decorated the lush flowers and vegetation that surrounded the pool. Their leaves dipped down into the water, as if casually taking a sip from the pool. On the opposite side of the pool was a small deer that lapped up the refreshing water with its tongue.
Cubette giggled with pride as she scooped up some of the water and put it up to her lips. As she began to drink the water, she realized it tasted very salty and that it was terribly dry. She spat it out and coughed violently, squeezing her eyes shut at the stinging pain in her throat. When she opened her eyes again, the oasis was gone.
Gone were the trees that stood guard. Gone was the pool that promised quenched thirst. Gone were the rainbow of plants and the blithe deer that had sipped at the water.
"I don't understand, it was all here." Cubette said. Suddenly, Gracieux was next to her. She rose and looked at her horse.
"You were trying to warn me, weren't you? It was all a mirage." Cubette said.
"Yeah, I fell for it too." a voice said.
"Gracieux, you can talk?" Cubette asked.
"No silly, it's me, Cubrat!" the voice said. She turned to see Cubrat sitting on the sand where the imaginary deer had been.
"Cubrat! Thank goodness you're here! Do you have any water?"
"Yes, I have plenty. I saw the oasis and figured the trees would be a logical point for everyone to regroup, assuming the trees were the tallest objects around. Unfortunately it was a mirage, but fortunately I found you." Cubrat said.
"That's terrific! May we have some water?"
Cubrat passed the canteen around. Once they were all satisfied, Cubette explained where they should go.
They continued the trek south. Cubrat had broken his leg during the sandstorm, and so he had to ride on Gracieux.
"Hey look, I can see the edge of the forest from here. We're almost home!" Cubrat said.
"Unless its another mirage." Cubette said.
"Yeah...let's hope it isn't."
They soon reached the tree line, and sure enough, the edge of the forest was real.
"Thank goodness, now let's see if we can find the others." Cubette said.
"Okay." Cubrat said. They trudged through the forest. Soon they reached a very large tree. A troop of monkeys surrounded the tree, shrieking at something up in the branches.
"You can't have it! This is my mango! Ha-ha-ha!" a voice shouted.
"That sounded like Cuboy!" Cubette said.
Cubrat looked up into the tree. "It is Cuboy!" he said.
"Cuboy, come down from there, it's us, Cubette and Cubrat!" Cubette called.
"You two ducks stay out of this. I'm going to eat my mango now." Cuboy replied.
"That's not a mango, that's a rock." Cubrat said.
"He must've been in the heat so long that he lost his mind." Cubette said.
"If we get him back to camp, we can help him, but first we have to get him out of that tree."
Cubette picked a rock up off the ground.
"Hey, Cuboy, I've got another mango right here, but you're going to have to come and get it!"
"Mango!" Cuboy shouted. He dropped from the tree and chased after them. Cubette hopped onto Gracieux and they galloped off to the camp.
They soon arrived, with Cuboy running close behind them.
"Cubro, get the magic ice pack for Cuboy. QB, get the electric fan, jumbo sized. Phil--Phil!?" Cubrat said.
"Sup." Phil replied.
"How long have you been here?"
"I have no idea how I got here. After the sandstorm, I opened my eyes, and I was here. Weird, right?"
"I guess things just work themselves out sometimes."
"I ate sand, Cubrat broke his leg, and Cuboy's gone coo-coo." Cubette said.
"What's your point?"
Episode Twelve-In a Rut
Cubrute sighed, letting the sigh drag on for several seconds.
A squadron of Cubugs scurried over to the couch where Cubrute sat.
"What is it, my liege?" one of the Cubugs asked.
Cubrute sighed again. "I'm not sure. It seems that lately, it's all been the same routine. Devise a plan, execute plan, have plan ruined by Cuboy and those other guys. I don't know, I feel like I need a change in pace."
"A change in pace, all right. Would you like all of your scheduled activities to be increased in speed and decreased in duration?" the Cubug asked.
"No, that's not what I meant. I need to do something different for a while. Fetch me the book of hobbies!"
"Yes sir!" the Cubugs scampered off and soon returned with a dusty book.
Cubrute took the book and opened it up.
"Let's see...chapter five, things to do when you're in a rut. I'd say I fit that description right now. Let's see...number one, try something new." Cubrute read aloud.
"Something new...perhaps we could try setting the adventurer's camp on fire? We've never done that before, it would be something new!" a Cubug suggested.
"No! No more plans! At least, not right now. I need to find something new to do."
"Well, what is something you've always wanted to do, your majesty?"
"Well, there's opening a coffee shop, learning to play the saxophone, give out a free hug..."
"Okay, then let's start with those. Cubug construction workers! Begin building a coffee shop!"
The construction Cubugs saluted and quickly got to work.
A large cloud of dust and the sounds of hammers, drills, saws, and jackhammers filled the forest outside Cubrute's cave. When the dust cleared, half a coffee shop was built.
"What? This is only half!" Cubrute shouted.
"Hey, we got to break for lunch at some time!" the Cubug construction foreman said through a mouthful of grilled ham and cheese sandwich.
"Hm, I suppose you're right. I am rather hungry. Cubug chef! Make me some lunch! Make me something...tasty! Make me something...new!" Cubrute commanded.
"One tasty new Cuburute lunch surprise a-comin' up!" the chef called.
Cubrute sat at a table and soon the chef arrived at the table with a platter. He set the platter on the table.
"Here you a-go!" the chef said, lifting the lid off the platter.
"Ooh, looks delicious!" Cubrute said. He began to dig in, but soon regretted it. He spat it out. "This is terribly dry, and while it is tasty, it's the wrong kind of taste! It's terrible!"
"Well, I can sure a-tell you that it is a-something new."
"What is it?"
"I've had that before!"
"Yes, but I usually a-cook it all the way."
Cubrute groaned. "How's that coffee shop coming?"
"All done!" the foreman announced. Cubrute nodded his approval.
"Excellent! Start making coffee and I'll hang up these posters!"
Cubrute set out to hang up posters. He soon came near the adventurers' camp.
"Hello, everyone! I have a new coffee shop opened, you should check it out." Cubrute said, handing QB a flyer.
"Hey, Cuboy, Cubrute is opening a coffee shop, should we go get coffee?" QB called.
"No way! It's got trap written all over it!" Cuboy said.
"Sorry, we won't get coffee because it's probably a trap, and since there is no one else in the forest to buy your coffee, you're going out of business." QB said, handing the flyer back.
Cubrute grumbled as he lumbered back to his cave.
"Hey boss, we made all of the coffee for your business!" the Cubugs said.
Cubrute roared and punched a wall.
"The coffee business is a no-go. All of our potential customers have neglected to be potential customers." Cubrute said.
"So...what I'm hearing is, we can drink all this coffee ourselves now?" a Cubug said. Cubrute sighed.
"Wait, your highness, there are still new things for you to try! We found this old bent up pipe in the woods and drilled holes in it to make a saxophone for you!" a Cubug said, handing the makeshift saxophone to Cubrute.
"Wow, this junky saxophone is very adequate! So, how do I play?" Cubrute asked.
"I think you blow into that end of it."
Cubrute blew into it, creating a horrible, squeaking-shrieking noise.
It was so loud that the adventurers heard it in their camp.
"Did you hear that? It sounded like a sick cow!" Cubrat said.
"Yeah, someone ought to find that poor thing and put it out of its misery." Phil said.
Back at Cubrute's cave, Cubrute continued practicing the saxophone.
"How was that?" he asked.
"Um, well, it didn't sound quite so scratchy that time!" a Cubug commented.
"It sounded much less like a lyrebird with laryngitis that time!" said another.
"You know what it sounds like when a princess sings? It sounded like the opposite of that." a Cubug replied.
"Jerry!" the other Cubugs shouted at him in unison.
Cubrute blew on it again.
"How about that?"
"It sounded a bit jazzy." a Cubug said.
"It sounded much less like a train wreck." said another.
"I've heard better." Jerry commented.
"Jerry!" they shouted again.
Cubrute sighed. He set the junky saxophone down.
"Maybe I'm not cut out for playing the saxophone." he said.
"Yes, perhaps, your greatness. Why don't we try something simple; giving out a free hug! That's not so hard, is it?" a Cubug asked.
"No, I suppose it isn't. All right, who should I give a free hug to?"
"Why not the lovely maiden, Cubette?"
"Yes, I think that'd be rather suiting. All right, I'm off to give Cubette a free hug!" Cubrute said. He marched off to the camp.
When he arrived, he looked around for Cubette. He soon spotted her exiting her tent.
"Cubette!" he called, running to her with his arms out.
Cubette screamed. Cubrute was about to give her a free hug when a boomerang whacked him straight it in the head. Cubrute keeled over and slammed down to the ground.
"That's what you get for trying to capture Cubette!" Cuboy said.
"I just wanted to give her a free hug. I've been down in the dumps lately and I thought trying something new would pull me out of my doldrums." Cubrute explained.
"Oh..." Cubro said.
"Come on, everyone! Let's go get a free hug from Cubrute!" Cuboy said. They all lined up to get their free hug. Cubrute hugged every one of them, and, true to his word, they were free of charge. Once everyone had been hugged, Cubrute smiled.
"Finally, I feel like I'm out of my rut!" he said.
"That's great, Cubrute." Cubro said.
"Yeah, now I can go back to coming up with devious plots. See you tomorrow!" Cubrute said as he ran off into the forest.
A long silence stretched out in the camp.
"Maybe we shouldn't have let him hug us..." Cubette said.
Episode Thirteen-Scout Salute
"All I'm saying is, it was a bit harsh of you to break down Cubrute's door like that." Cubette said.
"How else were we supposed to get in to save you?" Cuboy asked.
"We did knock...with my hammer."
They laughed at Cuboy's joke.
"Well, I hope Phil has some snacks ready for us when we get back. All this rescuing makes me hungry." QB said.
"I don't know, Phil's not that great at making snacks." Cubro said.
"I liked that macaroni salad he made that one time for New Year's."
"That wasn't macaroni salad, some snails had crawled into my bowl of facial cream." Cubette said.
"Oh, I guess that explains why it tasted like cucumbers..."
They arrived at the camp, stomachs grumbling.
"Hey Phil, we're back! Did you finish cleaning the--" Cuboy began.
"What's going on here?" Cubrat asked.
The camp was overrun by little kids wearing identical blue uniforms. They also wore hats and kerchiefs around their necks.
"Oh, hi guys! You're just in time." Phil said in greeting.
"Phil, what is all this?" Cuboy asked.
"Oh, these are the Cube Scouts. I promised their Cave Leader that I would help them finish their merit badges while he was away on vacation."
"But...but we don't have enough tents or food to go around for all of us!" Cubro protested.
"Relax, they brought their own tents. Besides, I'm sure we can scrounge up something for them. Please, I made a promise."
"Well...I suppose it's all right."
"Yeah! I'd love to help out the little guys with their merit badges." Cubette said.
"Thank you so much! Hey guys, these are your camp directors for the week. If you have any questions, just ask them. Now, let's begin by setting up your tents." Phil announced.
"Yay!" the scouts cheered. One Cube Scout raised his hand.
"Yes, Cubert, what is it?"
"How do you set up a tent?" he asked.
"Oh, well, allow me to demonstrate." Phil said. Phil began to set up Cubert's tent and soon had the whole thing done.
"And that's how it's done. Now, you guys try." Phil said.
The Cube Scouts set to work on their tents. They eventually had them all set up, with little help from Phil and the others.
"Great work! Now, our next item on the agenda is...fire merit badge. All right, to make a fire we need fuel. So, I want you all to go out into the forest unattended and collect fire wood and kindling to make the fire." Phil said. The scouts cheered and ran off into the woods.
"Phil, I'm not sure sending them out on their own is such a good idea." Cubrat said.
"They'll be fine."
An hour later, the scouts returned with fire wood.
"Look Mister Phil, I found a cool looking plant!" Cubert said, holding the plant up in triumph.
"Um, that's great, Cubert, except that that is poison ivy. You should probably put it down." Phil said.
The scout put down the plant and then began to scratch himself all over.
"So, everyone just stack the wood in a pile in the middle of the fire pit." Cuboy said. The scouts did so quickly.
"What do we do next, Mister Phil?" Cubert asked, continuing to scratch himself.
"Well, now we need to light the fire. Does anyone have matches with them?" Phil asked. All of the scouts whipped matches out of their pockets.
"Whoa! No no, no matches for you!" Cubette said, taking all of their matches.
"Cubette, what are you doing?" Cubro asked.
"Children should not play with matches, it's too dangerous!"
"Cubette, they need to light the fire themselves. It'll be okay, they have supervision. We'll make sure they are safe." Cuboy assured her.
"Well...all right." Cubette returned the matches to the scouts.
"Cubert, why don't you light the fire?" Cubrat asked.
"Okay!" Cubert said, taking a match. He struck the match, a small flame sputtering to life on the end of it. He stuck the match into the pile of wood, and soon they had a small flame burning. The scouts cheered.
"Well done, now, the last thing you have to do to get your fire merit badge is learn about fire safety. Can anyone tell me how to be safe around a fire?" Phil asked.
Cubert raised his hand.
"Cubert, go ahead."
"You shouldn't touch fire because it's very hot and will burn you. Also, you should make sure you extinguish the fire when you're not using it so you don't start a forest fire." Cubert explained.
"Very good! You've all earned your fire merit badge. Next, we'll do your--"
"Mister Phil!" a scout interrupted, raising a hand.
"What about lunch?" the scout asked.
"Oh yes, well...we'll get you some lunch right away." Phil said. He turned to Cuboy.
"Cuboy, we need to get food to feed the scouts, what are we going to do?" he asked.
"Don't worry, QB and I will go to that magic fountain and get food for everyone. You just have to stall the scouts until we get back." Cuboy answered.
"Oh, okay. Good luck!"
Cuboy and QB departed from camp to get food for the scouts.
An hour later, the scouts became restless as hunger became more ferocious in their bellies.
"Where's lunch?" a scout asked.
"I'm starving!" shouted another.
"Where's my source of nutrition!? I need nutrition now!" Cubert yelled.
"Phil, what do we do? Cuboy won't be back for a while, we need to occupy the scouts!" Cubette said.
"We've tried everything! We already did the fire badge, the canoeing badge, the riding a unicycle backwards while wearing a coonskin cap badge, we're out of badges! I'm out of ideas!" Phil said.
"Hey guys, I was looking through the Cube Scout handbook and found a page about snipes." Cubrat said.
"Snipes?" Cubette asked.
"Yeah, they're these huge birds of prey that eat lions, tigers, and bears."
"What about them?" Phil asked.
"Well, the book says to send the scouts on a snipe hunt. Snipes are lured in by banging sticks together three times." Cubrat said.
"Are you crazy? We can't send the scouts hunting for man-eating birds the size of houses! It's too dangerous!" Cubette protested.
"No, you see, that's where you're wrong. Snipes aren't real. Scout masters often send scouts on snipe hunts at night so that they can sit back, drink coffee, and laugh at the scouts for hunting for imaginary birds."
"That's brilliant! It's the perfect distraction!" Phil said. "Hey scouts, we'll have your lunch ready momentarily, but before we eat, we have to take care of something. There are large birds called snipes that live in these woods. If we don't hunt them down and catch them, they will come to our camp and eat our lunch. We need all of you to help us find the snipes and catch them!"
The scouts cheered.
"To lure the snipes in, you need to bang a pair of sticks together three times." Cubette chimed in. The scouts all grabbed sticks and began to bang them together, making a loud ruckus in the camp.
"No, you're all doing it wrong. You all have to bang your sticks together at the same time, or the snipes won't hear you." Cubrat said. The scouts started banging the sticks together in unison, bringing order to the once chaotic noise.
"There you go! Now, each of you take a boomerang. When you spot the snipe, throw the boomerang at it to catch it." Cubro said, distributing boomerangs. He snickered at the fact that the scouts were falling for their little trick.
Suddenly, a loud shriek rang through the forest.
"What...what was that?" Cubette asked.
"It sounded like a really big bird." Cubro said.
"You don't think it could possibly be a--"
All of the sudden, a twenty foot tall, black bird with sharp talons and a hooked beak burst through the trees, shrieking loudly.
"Snipe!" Phil and Cubette cried out together.
The scouts were unfazed by the large bird.
"Look! We've lured in a snipe! Fire the boomerangs, boys!" Cubert shouted. The scouts threw their boomerangs at the snipe, pelting it with the projectile weapons. The snipe shrieked again and swiped its talons at the boys. The scouts dropped to the ground, ducking under the bird's humungous claws. They continued launching the boomerangs at the snipe.
"Phil, we've got to do something!" Cubette said.
"I know, but what do we do?"
"Oh, the snipe eats lions, tigers and bears! Let's just get one of those things and lure it away!" Cubrat said.
"Where are we going to get one of those things? It's not like we live near a zoo!" Cubro said, throwing boomerangs at the snipe. He launched a special boomerang at the snipe. The boomerang split open upon impact on the bird and released a large net onto it. The snipe cawed and shook the net off.
"Look! The scouts are running around the snipe's legs!" Cubette said.
"No! Get away! It's not safe!" Phil called.
The scouts took out ropes and began to run around the snipe's legs, entangling it. The snipe shrieked and attempted to move, but it crashed to the ground instead.
Cubert climbed up onto the snipe's beak and tied a rope around it so that the snipe could not open its mouth.
"We've got ourselves another one, boys!" Cubert shouted. The scouts cheered in victory.
"Another one? What does that mean?" Phil asked.
"We scouts have been on snipe hunts loads of times, we love hunting snipes! After we catch them, the mayor pays us a nice amount of money for the snipe's feathers, they look absolutely marvelous on coats and hats!" Cubert explained. "Then we use the money to fund our scout program."
"Wait, so you knew snipes were real this whole time?" Cubrat asked.
"And you've done this kind of thing before?"
"Dude, you guys are my new role models!"
Cuboy and QB returned to the camp with loads of food, astonished at the giant bird that laid in the middle of their camp.
"What is that?" QB asked.
"It's a snipe." Cubro answered.
"Aren't those supposed to be fake?"
"Yeah, but it seems the scouts tricked the scout masters this time." Phil said.
"You guys want to make some roasted snipe?" Cuboy asked.